


Tony's Trying To Process What The Fuck Just Happened

by Marvel_Fan01



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, SPOILERS AHEAD, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark needs help, Trying to Cope, be warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 23:05:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14704347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvel_Fan01/pseuds/Marvel_Fan01
Summary: *SPOILERS, IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN AVENGER: INFINITY WAR PLEASE DON'T READ*After Peter's death, Tony doesn't know what to do. Doesn't know what the fuck happened and is trying to get his head around it but can't. (I'm not good at Summaries sorry)





	Tony's Trying To Process What The Fuck Just Happened

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, I saw Infinity War and it messed me up. I couldn't stop crying for like a week and I began to think about some things and how this is going to fuck Tony up. So this was made! XDD

It took maybe about three-ish days to get back to Earth, Tony and Nebula? Was that her name? 

The male really didn’t care for names at the moment. He still had the kid’s ashes on his hands, looking down at them only brought tears to his eyes but there was no way in hell he would let himself cry in front of anyone. 

Especially in front of a girl- alien or not, she’s was still a girl at the end of the day. 

After landing on Earth and somehow miraculously meeting up with the other so called heroes. 

Tony was glad to see some of them, though he couldn’t really mind much as he was still lost in his own thoughts but he did remember some talking, gun wielding raccoon falling to its knees and crying as Nebula told him what had happened to the other members of their team. 

He remembered being told of the others who had just turned to dust and he wouldn’t dare admit it but he felt sorry for Steve once again losing Bucky. 

Seeing Vision’s body though, that was the last thing he ever wanted to see- he was just so void of colour and it hit Tony big time. 

It took him back to the first time he had lost Jarvis to Ultron, that was one thing the brunette would never forget but then Vision was born and that was amazing! But… He’s gone as well now. 

He remembered seeing Steve at one point but who could forget him and his prefect toothy smile? One thing though he really didn’t suit that beard.

And Thor, looking great as always and sporting the new haircut but Natasha?! What the heck had the girl done to her hair! 

He hated that his team had changed so much but… They weren’t his team- not anymore. 

The Avengers broke up like some stupid boy band remember? The brunette still hadn’t spoke to the blonde haired American. 

Even after all the shit that had just happened with Thanos, he still couldn’t speak two words to the soldier. 

One thing Tony was grateful of was seeing that Rhodes was still there, he hugged the male a little tighter than any normal hug, “You okay?.” Rhodes’ asked but Tony just shrugged it off and was silent during the journey home. 

Well I say home, I actually mean the Avengers compound. 

They all figured it would be the best to stay together and come up with a plan, that was also when he had found out that Pepper had also been turned to dust. Things just seemed to get better and better for the brunette, huh? Why can’t things just be normal for once in his fucked up life. 

As soon as they reached the place they’d be calling home for god knows how long, Tony went down to his workshop. His safe haven. 

He was trying to hold everything back as best he could, he knew his anxiety was sky high and knew he’d probably come crashing down at any given moment. 

Hence why he left the group and went off to be on his own for a while. 

Upon walking in and letting the door shut behind him, the brunette leaned against the cool steel and looked down at his shaking limbs. Peter’s ashes still covered his hands. 

Tony’s stomach began to churn as the memories of the kid clinging to him, pleading that he didn’t want to go and then apologizing for god knows what before the teen disintegrated in his arms, all of this flooded his mind and it wasn’t long until he rushed over to the nearest trash can and processed to throw up. He was huddled over the bin, vomiting and dry heaving until he hissed and held his side. 

Oh that’s right HE WAS FUCKING STABBED BY HIS OWN PIECE OF MACHINERY BY THAT PURPLE, HOMER SIMPSON LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER! 

Tony’s having such a great time right? Lost most of his friends, his lover, he was stabbed and to top it all off, a kid that he had swore to protect at all times and actually considered as a son was also gone. Some life the genius had. 

After he was done throwing his guts up, he lifted his head and wiped the side of his mouth as he let himself rest against the workbench with his knees brought to his chest and a hand over the new reactor, “Everyone’s… Gone- how? I don’t-.” he managed to get out before his body’s trembling got worse and tears began to roll down his face, “The kid- he was only a fucking kid! He- he didn’t ask for this- any of this! HE HAD HIS WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF HIM!.” he yelled as he slammed the back of his head against the metal counter behind him, while his voice echoed throughout the surrounding area. 

Of course, only once he was alone would Tony allow himself to finally breakdown. 

He looked at his hands once more and sobbed yet again, “Peter, I’m so sorry- so freaking sorry. I was so hard on you, I was so stupid! I sho- should have just taken you home!.” he continued. 

After awhile of just sitting there crying and finally getting control over the shaking, the brunette pushed himself up to his feet and dried his eyes, “I swear kid, that freaking eggplant looking motherfucker will pay for what he’s done. Even if I have to die fighting, he’ll pay.” he promised himself as he looked up at the ceiling... As if anyone could hear him though, he was alone. 

As he began to think more about what had happened and that Peter was now gone, he could feel his chest once again grow tight, “I- I’ll need to talk to May.” he muttered to himself as he made his way over to the mini-fridge that was in the workshop, “I need a drink before even daring to talk to her, before telling her… What’s happened, that’s if she’s even alive still.” he grabbed a small glass from one of the higher cabinets and threw a couple of ice cubes into it. 

He opened the small fridge and pulled out a nice bottle of scotch and processed to pour it into the glass. He left the bottle on the counter though, knowing that he’ll probably drink most of it- I mean wouldn’t you after going through the shit Tony just did? 

He downed the glass in one and refilled it before walking away from the counter, “FRIDAY? Is-.” he stopped and sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Can you check if May Parker is alive? She’s gotta know- I’ve gotta tell her.” he could feel his body once again beginning to shake, ‘Get a fucking grip of yourself, Stark.’ he thought as he waited for the AI to answer his question. 

It felt like an eternity before her voice rang out again, during that time Tony’s anxiety was creeping up once again, he really couldn’t be arsed feeling like this anymore, “She is still alive, Boss and has been trying to get a hold of Mister. Parker upon the ship’s first appearance.” 

Tony drug a hand down his tired face, “Okay, can you call her? Please.” he sounded so broken- so done with everything. 

He wished it was all just one big nightmare that he’d soon wake up from but no, he was awake and in his own living hell. All those things that once plagued his dreams have now come back to haunt him. 

After phoning May and telling the woman what had happened with Peter, Tony stood at the window and looked out at the scenery that surrounded the compound. 

Tears once again falling down his face as he stood there silently sobbing with the glass in his shaking hand. 

May had also broke down while he was talking to her. 

That made things so much worse, he didn’t know how to deal when others would cry. 

He was never good with words. 

“I knew they’d come back. I have been telling everyone for six damn years that they’d come back BUT EVERYONE JUST KEPT WRITING IT OFF AND PUTTING IT DOWN TO FUCKING PTSD- MAKING ME SEEM LIKE SOME FUCKING NUTCASE!.” he yelled as he tossed the glass and watched it collide with the wall, “I’m done, I am so done... With everything.” he lowered himself closing to the floor as the tears built up once more and clouded his vision, “I just want everything to stop, just for a bit so I can at least catch my fucking breath.” he muttered as he pushed his back up against the sofa. 

He brought his knees to his chest again and wrapped his arms tightly around himself or maybe he was trying to protect the arc reactor. 

Even though he knew he didn’t need it anymore, it was a comfort for him in a way- made him feel safe, “I’m about to just give up, I mean there’s nothing we can do.” he muttered and rested his head on his arms and broke down yet again. 

He didn’t care who walked in and found him like this, he didn’t have the energy to care anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is probably all over the place and I'll probably be updating and fixing things every now and again with it but I hope you enjoy! XDD


End file.
